Thanks Suzy Rowe for photo use! |
I’ve been aching lately to
connect with other women. To sit down
with them and share about life, longer than a 3 minute chat at playgroup until
one or other of the toddlers boofs another with a toy and you’re called to sort
it out and when you return, you can’t even remember the train of thought you
had in your mind.
To sit and ask questions about
how they got through particular stages, what’s been growing deep down in their
hearts and what their homes look like, what’s important to them and why.
So I’ve been stretching myself to
find women to talk to, and one way is through reading a book and e-mailing the
author, because there’s nothing quite like reading another woman’s book to feel
like you’ve seen deeper into her than you possibly could in a myriad of
conversations.
I picked up Amy Julia’s book, A
Good and Perfect Gift, about her first child, Penelope, born with Downs
Syndrome, and they didn’t know until the child was handed to them, squishy and
cuddly, and the room grew hushed, and it was a long journey of sorting out
feelings, and life and love, like a bead box neatly organised until it scatters
on the floor and trying to sort out all those colours.
I read Amy’s book twice, because
I wanted to see how others sorted out life, and maybe Amy sorted it much like I
do, with her pen and journal, and now with not so much time on our hands,
typing in spare minutes and posting to a world we hope will find wisdom in the
words we share.
I thought for a few weeks about
the questions I would ask Amy if I could meet her, and finally searched for her
e-mail, because why not meet her, connected by the internet as we are now?
I’ve just seen Amy’s new book,
‘Small Talk’ advertised in our local Christian bookstore and their syndicate of
national catalogues, and it’s inspired me to keep blogging, because for a while
I was wondering, what with losing the internet and moving into a caravan,
whether blogging was still something I could keep up with. Amy said that book, ‘Small Talk’ is a
collection of blog posts and now I understand that a blog is something like a
journal that you don’t always write when you’re busy, but because you hope that
post will help someone, you scratch out time to write the words and make them
line up with punctuation, and that writing is something we can’t stop, even if
we need to get the children cared for to get those words out, and it’s a relief
when they are.
So thank you Amy for stopping and
connecting with me, our ‘chat’ was just what I needed to keep writing, and I
loved the advice about the baby wipes.
Thank you for your time here today. I found your book, ‘A Good
and Perfect Gift’ at our local yearly Lifeline book fair, and read it the same
afternoon. It’s so real and honest, and you take your reader on an incredible
journey. Can you tell us a little about your writing
journey, how it started and any pivotal moments in developing it?
First of all,
thanks so much for your kind words about A Good and Perfect Gift. For that
book, I had kept a journal during our daughter's first couple of years of life,
so I had a lot of raw material, and writing the book was about shaping the
narrative and making the journal come alive. The pivotal moment was probably
coming to truly believe that Penny was a gift, and that her diagnosis of Down
syndrome didn't change that fact in any way. Once I believed that, the story
had resolution, and I could write about it.
What was the journey for writing your first book, which I believe was a
memoir of a family member, and how did it get published?
My first
book, Penelope Ayers, is also a memoir about the experience of living with my
mother-in-law in New Orleans after she was diagnosed with liver cancer. It's a
story about hope in the face of death, and it's also about marriage and family
and place. I never actually tried to find a publisher for that book, for better
or worse, so it was self-published. Hopefully some day I'll have a chance to go
back and work on it a bit more.
In the book that I read, your daughter Penny, was born with Downs Syndrome,
something that you had not been aware of during the pregnancy, and you share
your incredible journey of coming to grips with this, but even if you had been
aware, you would not have terminated. For readers who might not
understand this perspective, can you share with us how you see the unborn
child?
When my
husband and I received word, through a blood test, that our child had a higher
than usual chance of having Down syndrome, we didn't pursue any further
question. We were scared about Down syndrome, but we also knew that we wanted
to receive whatever life God was giving us with thanksgiving.
Can you tell us about the journey of writing that book, and a little about
your daughter Penny?
It's hard to
believe that Penny is 9 years old now! She is in third grade. She loves reading
and gymnastics. She's a terrific kid, and she has been a tremendous gift to
us.
I believe in the journey of writing a book, that we can experience so much
healing and look back over little gem moments that we previously had forgotten
or that had been hidden, and we get a different perspective on the events of
our life, did you find this in writing either of these books, and how so?
I don't think
I can write about my life until there's a story to tell. For a long time, with
Penny's diagnosis there wasn't a story to tell. There was just confusion and
sadness. But in time, God gave me an opportunity to deal with some of my own
brokenness--the places of bias and judgment in my own life--and then healing
began to happen. Once there was some movement in my soul, a story began to take
shape. So in some ways, the writing itself was a healing process, and I
certainly learned a lot from writing them and even more from talking with
people about them. In another sense, though, I wouldn't have been ready to write
the book until the healing had already begun.
I’ve previously studied as a pregnancy crisis counsellor, and done a great
deal of research and reading about pregnancy and unexpected circumstances, in
fact I was pregnant with my first child, whilst studying, and I often wondered
how I would respond if she were born with a medical
condition. Looking back, how would you have prepared if you
had known about Penny’s diagnosis?
I go back and
forth about whether it's helpful to know a baby has Down syndrome ahead of
time. I do think it can help parents to welcome their child with a celebration
rather than with a huge set of questions and fears. Two of my friends right now
have a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome, and in both cases they are bringing
letters with them to the hospital when they go into labor to instruct the teams
of doctors/nurses that they know the baby has Down syndrome and they want to
rejoice when s/he is born. I wish we had been able to celebrate like that when
Penny was born. A prenatal diagnosis can give some time to adjust expectations
and go through some of that transformation. With that said, I also think I
would have worried a whole lot had I known Penny had Down syndrome before she
was born, and it was nice, when I did feel anxious, to be able to hold her in
my arms.
In a short paragraph, what is your best advice on how can we better
understand and help children with Down’s Syndrome?
My best
advice is to believe that every person with Down syndrome has something to
offer you. Yes, they need something from you, but assume that they also have
something to give. When you can enter into a relationship of reciprocity you
avoid pity and judgment.
Steering towards motherhood in general, you now have three children I
believe, what is your favourite piece of advice about parenting?
Oh gosh, I'm
not sure I have a favorite piece of advice, but I'll offer a trivial ones: Keep
baby wipes in the car forever. Even at ages 9, 6, and 4, I use them almost
daily to clean hands or faces.
How do you develop your spiritual relationship with God and how do you pass
that on to your children?
I've
struggled a lot with that question over the years, and in many ways my latest
book is all about that topic. But basically I've learned to believe that God
will continue to grow me up through my children, not in spite of them. So
instead of trying to have daily alone time with God, I invite my kids into
prayer or Bible reading time. We talk about spiritual things a lot. We go to
church together. We are looking for ways to serve others together. It's pretty
basic--worship, prayer, service--but it seems to be working so far!
Your latest book is titled, ‘Small Talk’ and is actually in a sense
directly related to the previous question, because the book is about the
questions your children ask and how they help you dig deeper into God and
discover what you believe. How did this book come about, in the
sense of remembering and collecting these conversations, and then journaling
your own thoughts? How did you find time for that, or was it all
just in your brain?
I've been
blogging for a number of years, and in many ways the blog was the raw material
for this book. In this book, each chapter is a different topic that our kids
have prompted me to think about more deeply or differently. I never took a blog
post verbatim, but they helped me remember anecdotes that related to different
topics along the way. As far as finding time, I had 3-4 hours to work a day, so
I just plugged away!
As a busy Mum, how do you find time to write, and is writing a paid
occupation, and if so how did it become one?
Well, writing
is kind of a paid occupation. I do get paid, but often I end up paying a
babysitter the same if not more every hour than what I'm making! So I find the
time by entrusting my kids to other people (which sometimes means my husband or
my mom but often means at school or with a babysitter).
Blogging seems to be an integral part of writing and keeping previous
readers engaged and finding new ones, how do you blog? Do you have a
timetable, how often do you post, and do you do it all yourself or have a
virtual assistant?
Credit to Chris Capozziello |
I do have a
writing assistant who does 5-10 hours of work a week for me. She's invaluable!
I post at least 2 times a week, which is pretty grueling at this point so it
might not last much longer. Still, I've been grateful for the way the blog has
connected me with readers and taught me about how to shape content.
What does your husband do and how does he support you in writing?
My husband is
a headmaster at a private school for high school students. He's very
supportive--mainly by helping me strategize about writing and by encouraging me
when I get down about it!
Credit to Eddie Berman |
Thank you Amy, it’s been a privilege to continue understanding your
journey, and I’ll be looking out for ‘Small Talk’ at my Christian
bookstore.
Thanks so much for these great questions!
Amy Julia
Becker is the author of Small
Talk: Learning From My Children About What Matters Most(Zondervan,
2014), A Good and
Perfect Gift: Faith, Expectations and a Little Girl Named Penny (Bethany
House), named one of the Top Books of 2011 by Publisher’s Weekly, and Penelope Ayers: A Memoir.
A graduate of Princeton University and Princeton Theological Seminary, she
blogs regularly for Christianity Today at Thin Places. Her essays about faith,
family, and disability have appeared on the Motherlode blog of The New York
Times, USA Today, ABCNews.com, Theatlantic.com, The Christian Century,
Christianity Today, The Huffington Post,and Parents.com. Amy Julia lives with
her husband Peter and three children, Penny, William, and Marilee in western
CT.
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